HOW TO RESPOND APPROPRIATELY TO THE EMOTIONS OF OUR BABIES?

“A child will not remember the material things you gave them as a child, but the way you treated them.”

When I came across a video online about the origins and causes of children’s nervous breakdowns, the image of the child in the video stuck in my head for a week.

SADNESS

The film is short but incredibly moving. The first episode takes place at home, in the morning. From the very beginning, the boy is rushed to school by his parents. The most overused word they use is “quick.” This applies not only to situations where it might be used, such as “walk quickly, the car is waiting,” but also to any morning activity, such as eating quickly, drinking quickly, and dressing quickly.

This film perfectly shows the emotions of a little boy: sadness, loneliness, and being unnoticed by his parents. Emotions that persist throughout the day become increasingly negative, and his parents fail to respond.

https://littlepuzzlesandme.com/is-there-a-smooth-way-to-get-kids-out-of-the-house/

In the next few minutes, we see the boy begin to feel stressed in the morning. Telling his mother that he has a stomachache. But who wouldn’t feel bad after grabbing a quick breakfast and rushing out of the house? Mom responds to the boy’s complaints with the words, “The pain will quickly subside.”

SHAME

Then the boy struggles with a difficult assignment at school. The teacher calls him to the board, but he’s not yet prepared, doesn’t know the answer, has difficulty speaking, is embarrassed, and the class laughs at him. I hope this situation is exaggerated for the film and that the teacher and students react differently, but let’s get back to the boy’s emotions.

The boy’s initial stress is compounded by other strong emotions: humiliation and shame. He loses confidence in his own worth. Later, the situation worsens. During lunch, he has no one to talk to, and someone pushes him in the hallway. Perhaps unconsciously, other emotions arise within the boy: anger, misunderstanding, and aversion to people.

UNNOTIFICATION EMOTIONS

And when I thought that Mom, Dad, Grandma, Sister, Brother, Aunt, or anyone else would soon pick him up and surely hug him, greet him with a smile, ask how his day was, and the boy would smile back, I was wrong. This film was meant to profoundly and powerfully show how important emotions are to young children. And it did so in a way I’ll never forget.

In the penultimate scene, his mother picks him up. There’s a weak, emotionless exchange, followed by silence. At home, the boy’s parents follow the same routine as in the morning. Familiar messages flow from their lips like an automatic: eat dinner quickly, finish your homework quickly, and hurry to the bath.

ANGER, NERVOUS BREAKDOWN

And in the final episode, only for people with strong nerves and no emotions, the boy is going through a breakdown. He tries to play with the blocks, but can’t put them together. The tower falls apart, causing him to become aggressive, throwing blocks and screaming. His parents burst into the room and ask, “What’s wrong with you? Why are you such a bad boy again? Why have you changed so much?” Tears well up in the boy’s eyes, but he calmly goes to bed. His parents kiss him goodnight, to which he doesn’t react at all. Tears stream down his cheeks. His parents leave. He can’t sleep, he cries, and is left alone with his incomprehensible emotions.

MY PRIORITIES

After watching videos like these, as a parent, I try to recall situations where I’ve behaved this way myself, situations where I’ve failed as a mother, and thankfully, things aren’t that bad for me. There are days when I rush the kids, but on the way to school, we sing, tell funny stories, and create our own morning routine that evokes positive emotions in me and my children.

I had trouble settling into my school. My teacher in grades 1-3 made my first encounter with learning a nightmare to this day. That’s why I always ask Patrick after school: What were the lessons like? What did the teacher say? What did he have for lunch?

Of course, his answers are simply “OK” or “I don’t remember,” but after a while, he’ll remember, for example, that he got a good grade or a compliment. Then I’ll feel better knowing he’s doing well in school, too.

Dorothy would love to stay at preschool until the evening and eat whatever she wants. When I pick her up and say:

“Dora, Mom is going to buy coffee because she’s out of energy after work.”

She responds:

“Okay, but takeaway, because we have to go to this or that playground because this or that friend will be there.”

https://littlepuzzlesandme.com/where-do-moms-get-energy-to-succeed-throughout-the-day/

MY OWN DAILY RHYTHM

I’ve heard from several family members: How is it possible to skip dinner after work and just go outside with the kids? How can you step away from the computer while writing a post because your child prefers you to admire his bunker? And how can you even dedicate so much time to your children?

I myself was brought up in different times and according to different rules. But after all, I have my own daily rhythm. For me, all my children’s matters, often the trivial ones, are just as important as the most important ones.

I love that feeling when Patrick says:

“Mom, I’m going to tell you something, but you won’t like it.”

I listen, and he says:

“My friend and I saw a YouTube video, and they used profanity.”

And I think to myself: “Oh my God, it’s such a small thing, and I’m bursting with pride that he shared it with me, that he understands the morals we’re teaching him, and that he can distinguish right from wrong.”

Then I reply:

“It’s good that you tell me, but you know you shouldn’t watch videos like that with a friend.”

And he replies that he knows, and that’s enough for me.

Because what else can we give our children if not love, happiness, and role models? Parenthood is, in fact, about giving up yourself, shifting priorities, and often even changing authority figures. What matters most is how you feel in this role and how fulfilled you are as a mother. Unfortunately, the scenes in this film are real, and parents often notice them too late.

https://littlepuzzlesandme.com/i-wish-to-be-my-childrens-shadow/

OTHER PARENTS’ PRIORITIES

So don’t be surprised if I end this post with my story from the playground. My friend’s child was pushed down the slide by another child. They’re the same age, three. And my friend, like me, is waiting for her mother’s reaction. I’ll share her comment here:

“They’re children; they’ll figure it out on their own and come to an understanding. Let’s not interfere.”

Three-year-olds?!

When is a child supposed to learn that such behavior is inappropriate, that they’ve misbehaved, that they’ve hurt someone else?

At that age, responsibility falls on us, the parents; We have the right to intervene, teach our children about emotions, and set a good example in their upbringing.

It’s common knowledge that eight-year-old Patrick got kicked in the stomach by a soccer ball. He’ll explain to a friend that it hurt him, and the friend will apologize. If not, he’ll explain it differently or avoid hanging out with such friends. But a three-year-old uses force against others, and the mother is convinced it’s trivial and the child will learn on their own.

LET’S SEE THE EMOTIONS

Don’t leave children alone, neither with their positive nor negative emotions. Teach them from a young age, talk to them, so that no child or parent has to go through the kind of suffering experienced by the little boy in the film.