WITH THE WITCH’S ADVICE MY COFFEE NEVER TASTES THE SAME

In the 5 years since the birth of my first child, I listened to advise and comments about new moms and their babies, which I wrote down and divided into GOLDEN and DIAMOND thoughts for absurdity in the post: “How to screw up a new moms day?” https://littlepuzzlesandme.com/how-to-screw-up-new-moms-day/

In Golden Thought one of the comments sounded:

“Are you still breastfeeding? The baby will disfigure your breasts.”
I only breastfed until 10 months because it’s maternity leave in the UK and one mother’s comment knocked me out. It wasn’t bad because we only knew each other from yoga classes.

More painful were those diamond thoughts of mothers I knew and liked, like:

“My child is 10 months old and is already using the potty.”

Comments about me and my young children were irritating, often having a negative impact on my day. But as I have already written, after 5 years of raising Patrick and 2 years of raising Dorothy, I stopped caring about it and considered myself a bad mother. I awakened in myself the icon of a mother who knows her children’s needs best and knows what I’m doing.

Then these comments with gold or diamond list, even when they came to me, had no negative effects and my day was still beautiful and colorful.

MOMS – EXPERT OR MOMS – WITCHES

However, what started to kill me now in joint outings with moms were dialogues only about children. Instead of dialogue about women’s needs and lives, my mother-friends delve into motherhood and I hear criticism from other mothers all the time. This time I will list below the most absurd comments I have heard.

1. You gave birth by cesarean – you are not a mother.

That’s what pisses me off the most, how a mother can say that to another mother? For me it’s sick.

2. You gave birth in your thirties, – you are too old for children, instead of a mother you will have a grandmother.

I had my first child at the age of 36, and the second one at 38. As a mom, I don’t feel old. I feel like a fulfilled mother. I feel good about motherhood at this age. Every day I feel grateful for IVF and two precious children. I do not criticize young mothers, I never comment on whether it is better to have children in your 20s, 30s, or in your 40s.

3. You have one child – you know nothing about children, with two you will learn the truth about motherhood.

4. Last chance for a second, there can’t be too much of an age difference.

5. You are a selfish mother – after all, a child needs a sibling, when are you planning a second child?

Let me not comment on it. The only thing I have to add is: Why do mothers have to screw up other mothers’ days at any cost? Is it some kind of challenge? Let’s meet but let’s destroy the mood of other mothers because we are dissatisfied with our lives.

6. You have one small, and the other large – you have it easier, the older one will take care of the younger one.

It looks completely different from my point of view https://littlepuzzlesandme.com/how-to-survive-the-day-with-two-small-children/

7. You have two of them one after the other – you have it easier, you can raise it quickly and it’s over.

8. You have girls – you have it easier, girls are calmer.
9. You have sons – you can’t raise girls. Try again. The next pregnancy for sure will be a girl.

Sometimes at these meetings, I feel like not in a group of mothers, only witches. With their beliefs, which they foretold from a glass ball or a magic pot.

10. You have a newborn – you have it easier, he only sleeps, when he starts walking, then it will only start!

I could add such absurdities ad infinitum but I don’t want to bother myself or my readers.

In conclusion, I always hear from other moms how I have an easier or better life or I do not know the problems of motherhood, because I don’t have a teenager or a child at home. Except I don’t want to be some kind of maternity expert, and I don’t need golden or diamond thought and their superfluous comments. I just want to go out for coffee and drink it with my mom who has no witch skills.
I want to come back from such a meeting with mothers and not feel mentally exhausted.

Is it too much to want?