HOW TO LIVE WITH CHILDREN IN THE BEST POSSIBLE WAY?

BAD ADVICE AROUND

How many times have I heard that my son is crying because he probably has colic, or that he doesn’t want to sleep in the stroller because I’m carrying him in a sling? God, how much of that advice was completely unnecessary, driving me to breakdowns and thoughts like, “Why am I a bad mother?” I always want to share with you, from my own experience, how bad I felt at the beginning of motherhood, because I know, that one of you – a new moms – will read this and feel better. I can’t avoid painful topics or write only about the miracle of motherhood. It could be a miracle if it weren’t for people who are always there to dispense unnecessary advice. https://littlepuzzlesandme.com/how-to-screw-up-new-moms-day/

GOOD ADVICE AROUND

More and more honest information is appearing online about the realities of childbirth, the hardships of the postpartum period, the first days at home with a baby, and the pain a mother’s body still endures after giving birth. Now you can read about it, watch it, and see for yourself that you’re handling your baby just like other mothers. You have the opportunity to gain some experience without being judged or treated like an inexperienced mother. And even if you watch and apply a few or a dozen tips, no one will criticize you for your lack of knowledge. Besides, what new mother knows everything? We have the basics, but the rest comes from being a mother with a child 24/7.

THE MIRACLE OF BIRTH

When I was preparing for labor, all I heard was that everything bad would be over as soon as they put the baby on my chest. Those feelings are truly incomparable. But nothing truly goes away; this is just the beginning. You’re stitched up, covered in blood, and sent home. No one waits for you to stop suffering and bleeding. The baby is healthy, that’s the most important thing, and you’ll be sent home to fend for yourself.

I should also thank Mother Nature for women’s maternal instincts. They really do exist. With my first child, I wasn’t convinced, but with my second, I completely surrendered to them. I was advised to take Patrick to the doctor if he wasn’t sleeping well. When, after 10 months, he stopped taking his daytime naps, the nursery staff sent me to him, too. And you know what’s the worst part of all this? Only women—moms—give such hallucinogenic advice.

https://littlepuzzlesandme.com/my-childrens-sleeping-routine-its-a-f-joke/

THE JOY OF MOTHERHOOD

I remember my instincts telling me, “Patrick is eating well, growing, developing, and there’s nothing wrong with him. The fact that he’s not sleeping through the night or sleeping less doesn’t bother him at all; it’s detrimental to my well-being as a mother.” And it’s true. I sacrificed a lot in those first years of motherhood, and I’m alive. And my son, now 9, is a wonderful and strong boy.

Children grow and develop well under your care. Forcing my son to sleep or eat foods he hated, didn’t help him at all and could have destroyed our wonderful relationship. There’s currently a debate about whether all these forced sleep therapies were flawed. I’m curious to see what the results will be.

PROHIBITIONS

In my opinion, a child forced into something will have negative memories forever. Don’t you have those memories too? For example, I hated semolina; its consistency made me vomit. And in preschool, that was all we were given for breakfast. It was like torture in prison, not a pleasant time.

And both commands and prohibitions stay with children forever.

I have a very funny story about the ban on sweets. I’ve written about it before, but I’ll mention it again here. https://littlepuzzlesandme.com/how-to-sensibly-limit-sweet-in-the-childrens-menu/

I had a very close friend who wouldn’t give her son sweets. Every time she visited, she reminded me that Patrick should also limit his sweets during their visits. I must add that all sweets, not just chocolate but also lollipops and jelly beans—in short, everything children love—were forbidden to him. This ended when, during one of our walks to the local store, her son ran to the lowest candy shelf and started stuffing them into his mouth. My Patrick, then three years old, asked point-blank: “Mommy, what’s wrong with him?”

Later, she told me that while shopping at the supermarket, he escaped to the bread section and, covered in icing and jam, waited for his mother to pick him up. He managed to eat four doughnuts.

I don’t know how these bans ended, and I no longer keep in touch with these friends, but don’t you think that bans should be approached with a certain amount of common sense?

Let me know what rules from your childhood have stuck with you forever.

I know that our generation of parents has completely moved away from the patterns that dominated the upbringing our parents gave us. I also see that my children are doing well, and I love praising them, giving them gifts, hugging them, and saying, “I love you”—100 times a day.