WHEN PARENTS KNOW WHAT’S BEST FOR THEIR CHILDREN.

“Children are as independent as you expect them to be.”

– Maria Montessori –

Do you really want to take away your children’s independence?

Why do you put your needs equal to your child’s?

Not allow your children to develop according to their own choices?

I could ask a few more questions here, but I’m going to describe a situation. A few days ago I participated in an action called: “Joint Creation by the Christmas Tree for Children 3-5”.

This is not the first time I have seen rivalry between parents, which influences children’s behavior in such situations. I suspect that the teachers have long known how such joint creation of parents and children proceeds, so they started the event with the sentence:

“Parents, please do not interfere with the children’s work more than necessary, please relax, in a moment we will hand out coffee, gingerbread, and the children will create.”

Would you happen to know how many proposed coffees were brewed?

Four! For me, the mother of my son’s friend and two teachers.
In the meantime, there were a few glue stains and some glitter on my dress, but the children were so absorbed in their work that it didn’t bother me. Several times, I was asked to pass colorful pompoms that my daughter couldn’t reach and to hold a popsicle stick on which Dora wanted to stick a paper Christmas tree.

The only thing I sometimes tried not to hear or react to was the conversations of other parents. One example was when a child asked a parent:

Mom, please, can you give me green pom-poms?
But how is it green? You won’t see green on a green tree. I’ll give you red.
I don’t want red.
Then white.
I don’t want white.
The child started getting angry and the parent was irritated.
Don’t you understand that it won’t look pretty?!
Not. not at all.

I liked the teacher’s reaction when she said so calmly:

George, which color is your favorite?
Green.
That’s why your entire tree is green.
Yes, and you want to stick green pom pons on it?
Yes, I want to.
George, do you think the tree will be more beautiful because of it?
It will be very, very beautiful.

SOME PARENTING BEHAVIORS

And I often heard other parent comments:

“No, this won’t fit here, it’s too small, too big, not the right color.”

https://littlepuzzlesandme.com/what-parent-know-about-kids-fancy-outfit/

A lot of parents in this group created for their children. Another half allowed their children to create, but any intentions of the child in the idea of ​​the appearance of the Christmas tree were ignored. Some children accepted it with dignity and humility, but others became aggressive and offended and walked away. Kids were no longer interested in art. They played with toys while their parents decorated the Christmas tree, paying no attention to them.

And I don’t know what was worse, choosing for the child or no choice at all creating for the child. Yes, some such parents made Christmas trees themselves, without the participation of the children. Perfectly wonderful.
And my child’s Christmas tree was swaying on a crookedly glued stick. Glue dripped from the pompoms. And the colors? I think those were all the possible ones that were available. Similarly, the Christmas tree from a friend’s son, surrounded by yarn, was peeling off, and the weight of the glued ornaments did not give the tree a chance to stay upright.

But all that doesn’t matter, for me it was the most beautiful tree. The smiles of our children were priceless. And the pride that sparked in them melted the hearts of the mothers.

In the end, the Christmas trees made by the children were placed on the Christmas shelf. Christmas trees were waiting for teachers’ assessment. The first three places were to be awarded with huge gingerbread cookies, and the remaining trees with smaller gingerbread cookies.

Teachers summed up:

“Let’s start by saying we wanted to thank all the parents and children for taking part in making the tree.
And since all the children did such a great job and were so excited to make something themselves, we thought they all deserved a reward.”

MY PARENTING BEHAVIOR

I am a supporter of a school where children can make their own choices and thus develop their independence. And as my children grew up, this independence grew in them. It was visible in dressing, preparing meals, and creating. https://littlepuzzlesandme.com/what-does-my-childrens-freedom-to-play-look-like/ They show the same system of behavior at various artistic events or school creations.

I wanted to show you in this post how easy it is to take away a child’s independence or limit it. And believe me, how your child will develop depends only on you. And this is a great responsibility that each of us learns from a series of failures. https://littlepuzzlesandme.com/a-voice-from-the-heart-to-all-parents/

And remember

Nobody is perfect.

Raising children is not a piece of cake.