MY LIFE IN A NEW WORLD WITH OLD RULES

“Free choice is one of the highest of all the mental processes”.
Dr. Maria Montessori

My daughter – Dorothy has a wonderful week in the Czech Nursery. The teachers prepared a week of fairytale costumes. How nice that they organized something like this for my small princess. Especially since we have a lot of princess dresses from my niece. Elsa dress, Sleeping Beauty dress, Tangled dress. As well as a Mickey Mouse costume, butterfly, and much more. Each styling is complemented by all the details, such as hair ornaments, earrings, bracelets, or handbags. In a word, it was my dream when I was a little girl.

Do you think my daughter is interested in these clothes and jewelry? 

May you have already tried to guess which fairytale outfit she liked the most?

I have one slightly disappointing answer:

None of these costumes appealed to my daughter.

Every morning of this wonderful “week of beauty”, we were late for Preschool and Nursery. Patrick had the hardest mornings of his life. Choosing Dorothy’s outfit for Nursery was a morning drama. Patrick was so excited that all the children in Dora’s Nursery were changed and he was so jealous of her sister. Except for Dora, she completely ignored it. She threw away every dress I prepared for her this morning, but she didn’t throw away the Superman, Paw Patrol, and Batman outfits I kept after Patrick.

When Dora came in a black Batman suit with a black mask and bat ears to Nursery, all moms looked over at me judgmentally.  The next day in a Superman costume, Superman socks, and a Superman mask, also, this outfit didn’t put a smile on another mom’s face. The last outfit – PAW Patrol wasn’t very dark, it was blue.  The only puppy in Paw Patrol, a girl named Sky, is pink and this puppy didn’t interest my Dora. He chose Patrick’s old outfit again – a Paw Patrol puppy named Chase. Of course, she also took the Paw Patrol car to the nursery. Not even one day she was in the princesses’ group. She played with a police car or fire car with boys, she took a Chase car to Nursery and again played only with fireman or captain or Spiderman. 

To be honest, everyone in my family was disappointed when they saw pictures of Dora dressed as Batman or his friends. Honestly, I don’t give a shit anymore. I haven’t managed to make friends in the Czech Republic yet (over a year), but my Dora did. I’m happy for her and I’m very proud of her.

I don’t mind if my daughter will be more comfortable with the men’s squad. I don’t care what other mothers think of raising daughters like princesses. As a mom, I have always believed that each child is unique and each child’s personality is unique.

Why my Dora should adapt to costumes only one gender? Why not give my daughter a free choice to show her independence, strength, and original way of thinking? 

I am very happy that my child is the only one and does not copy the designated gender symbols. I support and raise her in her original, modern view of the world. And you know what critical feedback I’ve heard from my family? That I didn’t teach her to wear dresses. So it’s my fault because my daughter doesn’t wear dresses every day, only from time to time. That’s generally true because I never wear her fluffy, glittery princess dress on a daily basis, which isn’t very comfortable. Or another silly conversation with my mother-in-law before Christmas. Together we chose gifts for my children. I helped her with shopping to make sure the size was right etc. but I felt like I didn’t exist because of all my comments:

“Mom please, not only pink and blue are important to my children.”

 She replied: “I want my grandkids to look sweet and pretty.”

What did she mean that my Patrick in a green or yellow T-shirt doesn’t look good or handsome?

If my Dora likes Patrick’s blue socks, I shouldn’t buy her blue socks either, because she wouldn’t be pretty.

I don’t mean to be rude, but all these gender rules are unbelievable and stupid, and a world with thoughts like that pisses me off. https://littlepuzzlesandme.com/how-to-screw-up-new-moms-day/

I’ve seen a completely different approach to this in the UK, but I’m in a country where time has stopped and anything that doesn’t work by the old rules is wrong. I’m a mom who feels those critical looks and frustrated sighs behind me. I’m a bad woman because I have words of my own that other women shouldn’t copy. I am a bad symbol because my children come into this world with different views, thoughts, and attitudes than most children. 

I just care about the well-being of my daughter – sweet Batman and my son – a cute boy in a green T-shirt. For me, the most important thing is their proper development, and the rest of the opinions are dust on my shoulder that will fly away soon.