DO YOU WANT TO HEAR A FAIRY TALE ABOUT BEING NEW MOM?

IT’S OKAY IF ALL YOU DID TODAY WAS SURVIVE!

It’s been a long time since I wrote about the beginnings of motherhood, newborns, stages of pregnancy and childbirth. There was no opportunity to discuss such topics. My children are no longer newborns, and 7 years of being a mother brings with it more stories worth writing about. Recently, however, a woman in the final stages of pregnancy appeared in my circle of friends.

And the typical questions for a future mother began.

Is breastfeeding painful?

And now in this post, I will present my opinion and only from my own experience. The rest of the replies and comments came from a group of mothers who were perhaps telling the truth or, like most mothers, they did not want to cause panic in the mother-to-be.

https://littlepuzzlesandme.com/nobody-asked-me/

MY DARK FAIRY TALE

In my case, no one told me that breastfeeding a newborn can cause nipple pain so severe that I can feel it in the pads of my toes.
For me, each time I put my baby to the breast, it was associated with terrible pain. The end result was cracked and bleeding nipples. I remember a friend of mine got pregnant at a very young age and was hospitalized with a nipple infection. At that time it was a fiction for me, no one told me, neither in the hospital nor herself, how it happened, how to prevent it and what it all meant. Also, internet access and knowledge about breastfeeding were poor. Now, after so many years, I know that infections while breastfeeding are no joke. Now, after breastfeeding two children, I also know that there are creams that moisturize the nipples wonderfully and reduce the risk of cracking, and are safe for the baby. There is no need to wipe and wash your breasts with cream. This cream cannot harm your baby.

A BEAUTY FAIRY TALE

And as I said at the beginning, when New Mom asked this question and I was trying to open my mouth and tell the truth, other mothers – let’s call them experts – they beat me to express my opinion:

“Honey, breastfeeding is natural and from the very beginning you will feel a bond with your baby and you won’t think about the pain.”

“Sweetheart, I had a problem with breastfeeding, I had to use nipple shields to help the baby suck, I don’t remember the pain”.

Dear, the beginnings of breastfeeding may be difficult, but 2-3 days and you will get used to it. For a mother and baby is simply natural.”

IN DEEP EMOTIONAL SHIT

Believe it or not, I heard similar bullshit when I was a new mother. After 2 days of breastfeeding, my self-esteem as a mother took a devastating emotional plunge. My scale of being a good mother dropped to zero.
Thoughts kept running through my mind that I was the only bad, incapable mother. That it’s just me, I have no connection with my baby. I don’t feel joy, but I feel anxiety because the child is hurting me terribly. I cried every time I put the baby on my breast.

“What’s wrong with me?”

All these types of questions asked by a frustrated and exhausted new mother were swirling in my head. At that moment, all I needed was a simple, honest answer from an experienced mother. At that time, I really missed the truth from the mothers around me. Of course, the Internet helped.

Why didn’t experienced mothers tell me the truth?

The most common answer:

“I don’t remember anything about breastfeeding anymore.”

or

“In fact, at the beginning, there was pain and complications, but they were quickly forgotten.”

And the best one:

“I couldn’t scare you in the final phase of pregnancy with such opinions, you see that you coped.”

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Nobody-Told-Me-Poetry-Parenthood/dp/0349134510

How I hate this kind of crap. After all, the vision of motherhood, which we also distort, will harm the new mother at the very beginning of her stay with the newborn child. We will not spread panic with the truth, we will simply give the new mom something to think about. We introduce them to 2 worlds.

Everyone has their own mind and will later analyze how much of it was true and how much of it was nonsense. But I remember I had a terrible regret that no one was honest with me on this issue and the others that I will describe shortly. Because who, like your loved ones, would be surprised by their real experience with you? That’s why when all the fanatic mothers expressed their sweetly false opinions, I started to share my real experience:

“Debbie, listen, you know how much I love my children and how hard we’ve been trying to have children, but the beginnings of motherhood suck. I have a lot to tell you, but you’re asking about breastfeeding. The truth is that my nipples were incredibly painful and swollen. In the end they cracked and bled. It was such a pain that every second I thought about giving up. However, after 2-3 months, not days, my nipples became accustomed to being sucked on and I slowly started to see the benefits of breastfeeding my baby. This happened maybe about 6/7 months after the baby was born. A long time, but after such pain I can’t say that I don’t remember and I haven’t forgotten, I can only say that it was worth it”.

https://littlepuzzlesandme.com/motherhood-is-the-most-beautiful-and-hardest-part-of-life/