DO YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO HAVE SOME GOOD FOR YOURSELF?

“We expect mothers to work like – they don’t have children and we expect mothers to raise
children as if they don’t work.”

I heard an interview with a working mother on the radio. The interviewers asked her about her career path and priorities and she answered:

HER CAREER

“A long time ago, I was preparing a list of priorities. As a young employee of the company, I put working for the company first on my list. Over the next years of working in this company, I gained experience and developed my career. I devoted a lot of time to this company and thanks to my perseverance, I was promoted to the position of CEO.

Everything was going wonderfully. At the age of 35, I became pregnant for the first time, and at 37 the second. For the next few years, motherhood was at the top of the list. However, I always missed my workplace, so I decided to return when the oldest child was 4 years old and the youngest was 1.5 years old. https://littlepuzzlesandme.com/my-new-look-on-mom-returning-to-work-after-maternity/

My husband and I tried our best. I took our children to nursery and preschool and he picked them up. We stopped seeing each other. Only in the evening, after we had put the children to bed, we spoke a few words. We participated in the development of our children in their extra-curricular activities. On Saturdays, my husband took our younger daughter to a dance, and I took my older daughter to a painting workshop. We both felt like we had two full-time jobs.

My parents saw that we were going through really difficult times and started helping take care of their grandchildren. Child-free days appeared more frequently in our schedule. We managed to go on a short vacation. Grandparents were always helpful and willing to care for their grandchildren.

HER SUCRASCIFE

And we can say that our lives improved mentally and physically, we no longer felt as tired as we did with small children and without the help of grandparents. Then the worst came – problems with teenagers. My family became a priority on my list. I won’t tell you now what happened and why I decided to end my career and return to full-time motherhood. I think my sense of maternal duty certainly outweighed my sense of being a businesswoman. While my husband continued to develop the company, I struggled with anorexia in one of my daughters for 2 years. Then I took care of my mother, who had problems moving after a stroke. Of course, after several years of struggle, arguments and despair, we all emerged victorious from these family difficulties. My family got back on its feet.

And from the side, I saw everything working perfectly. My husband is happy at work, and my daughter is starting university and meets a boy with the same interests. The youngest takes part in dance classes and begins to show her skills to the whole world. My grandparents spent long holidays in warm countries, and I was left alone and lonely.

HER LONELINESS

I didn’t tell anyone, but I started seeing a therapist. I told her that everything was going smoothly, but why did I feel empty inside? Then the therapist asked me?

Your list we talked about had different priorities at different times in life:

1. Job, career, promotion.
2. Pregnancy, childbirth, motherhood.
3. Teenagers, family, illnesses of daughter and mom.
4. Taking care of my mother, home, and husband.

Why can’t I see it on this list YOU?

Where are your priorities:

• Taking care of yourself?
• Do something for yourself?
• Think about yourself – are they gone?

And I feel the same way as that woman from the interview. My priorities change from year to year. Sometimes I try to be a perfectionist in the process of motherhood, sometimes I try to develop my career at work. There was a time when I tried 2 in 1. I tried to keep two full-time jobs – motherhood and company supervisor – for a long. And I failed.
Even without keeping any list, there was no mention of my needs either. It’s not that I’m selfish or that I want attention more often now. The point is that I will always be a mother, I will work because it makes me happy. My priority is my family, I will support and take care of them as before. I just need to achieve a healthy balance in my life and remember to leave some space and time for my happiness and my needs.