TOUGH CHALLENGE FOR A MOTHER WITH A NEW BABY

“The natural state of motherhood is to forget about your needs, but always remember to make your children happy”.

Every person who has become a mother assures us that motherhood is a wonderful stage in life. Friends and family who already have children tell us how happy they are. And I confirm, it’s a great period, and children give us a lot of joy. But why doesn’t anyone tell us that motherhood is also a difficult time in life? And just as there are wonderful moments with a child, there are also hard moments with a child.

MOMS KEEPING SECRETS

New moms are going through a tough challenge with their babies, and this also needs to be talked about. Is this some kind of mom community secret? Without telling the truth, a vicious circle of mothers is created, who do not share their problems because they do not want to be worse. Moms who deny having any difficulties with their baby. They tell sick stories that their children sleep well, eat well, and breastfeeding is a natural process that just happens by itself, not something you have to learn. BULLSHIT.

There is another group of mothers, including me, who show the truth and share the truth. Breastfeeding is the most struggle and painful time I have ever experienced with a child. I’m assuming, of course, because like any mother, you want what’s best for your child. And when your nipples stop bleeding, they swell and leak. I promise you that you will not experience anything more painful physically, because mentally you still have a lot ahead of you. Very often I heard criticism from other moms for not hiding the facts of motherhood. I happened to hear the phrase that I’m not a perfect mother and that’s why I can’t cope with a child.

How can you tell another mom you’re not the perfect mom?

Women have learned the stereotype that if they can’t handle their children, they’re not perfect moms. Who is the perfect mom anyway?

Moms do everything to please their children. I did everything too. I forget about my dinners, toilets, and sleepless nights. Moms often forget about their needs, which causes crises in relationships and misunderstandings within the family. The family should support a new mother with a new baby, but it will not always come with good advice and help. Beginnings with a small child are difficult. Every smart mom can handle it and survive it, but not without mistakes and broken hearts.

SINGLE FRIENDS

I was lucky to have friends who always supported me. When they saw that my hair had lost its color, was greasy and looked terrible, and that my clothes were still maternity style and most often stained with milk, they decided to fix it.

First, they made an appointment with the hairdresser, with me and my baby on the tit. It was a great experience anyway. New hairstyle, friends around, a lot of laughing, not just a crying baby. Because a small child often cries and no one can change that. Baby is cold – baby is crying, baby is hungry – baby is crying, wet – crying, pooping – crying, colic – crying, overtired – crying and many more crying without reason. So please do not take into account the comments of other moms: “My baby eats well and sleeps well, does not cry at all”, because this is BULLSHIT again.

Quickly my hair was repaired and looked gorgeous again, worse with non-maternity clothes. During pregnancy and after pregnancy I got so used to these clothes that almost nothing new appeared in the wardrobe. The shopping I did was mainly groceries and of course clothes for the baby. And I know I needed something new for myself, but I didn’t want to go shopping with a baby in a stroller. Friends extended a helping hand again, entertained a 6-month-old baby, and I besieged the fitting rooms. My size has decreased since pregnancy but has not returned to pre-pregnancy size. How much my devoted friend ran after clothes in size M, S, and L, and always something was wrong.

POLITE LADY

I remember we took a lunch break at M&S and my baby was on boobs because he was hungry too and the lady next to me said:

“I hope the baby sleeps well?”

And when I said no, she replied:

“This is normal, my first baby started sleeping well after a year. You still have some left, but you can do it, Moms always do“.

And of course my hormones made me cry after that comment, not because my baby won’t sleep for a year, but because of the woman’s honesty.

AMAZON AND TITS

My friends quickly threw a joke, or rather the truth, about what happened to me while breastfeeding. It was an autumn morning. I was sleepy and hungry. The baby was hanging on a tit, and the Amazon delivery man was calling. I let him upstairs, put the baby to bed, and went to open the main door. I took the package, thanked and said goodbye. “Very nice gentleman” – I said to myself.

On the way back to my room, I paused in front of the mirror in the hallway. One of my breasts was not covered. It hung freely off my bra and blouse. The whole tit – in all its glory, swollen and dripping with milk. And what was even more unbearable was that the supplier from Amazon was our regular supplier. For about a year or two, he only delivered packages to us. Well, embarrassing but shit happened and now my friends can joke about it over and over again.

FRIENDS ARE MAGNIFICENT

Because of that, I want to say first of all not erase all contact with friends because you became a mother. I went through some unpleasant situations where other moms just ran away from contact. Attempts to arrange a coffee together in the park or at my house ended in a fiasco. https://littlepuzzlesandme.com/being-a-new-mom-doesnt-mean-being-the-best/

Some moms may need only themselves and their child, but I also had to surround myself with friends, and spend time not only with my child. Talk not only about breastfeeding, the color of the child’s poop or the correct diet of the infant.

Probably if it wasn’t for my friends, I would be sitting in maternity clothes and greasy hair with one tit not hidden to this day. If it wasn’t for my husband who replaced me and stayed with the child, I would still wear stretchy maternity clothes and go only to children’s shopping.

I don’t know why I should limit myself to just friends – moms with whom I didn’t get along well.

DON’T BE A PERFECT MOM

I haven’t noticed for a long time how quickly I can lose myself in appearance and mentally, being only with a child at home. Now as I write this and remember, I still don’t have a simple answer to what was going on with me at that time. What I know for sure, I didn’t want to be and I’m not a perfect mom. It’s wonderful to spend time with children, but I don’t feel guilty or worse than leaving my children with daddy. Children love to spend time not only with their mother, and mom needs time to herself too.